Monster Cookies

Boy oh boy.  What do you do when you're sitting in front of your computer, fingers on the keys, but nothing to say?  I'm ready to type guys, I just don't know what to say.  Obviously, I can talk about Monster Cookies.  That seems too easy though, right?    

I know my dedicated fans have come to expect thoughtful prose from my blog.  It's a lot of pressure for someone of my genius and my infinite wisdom.  Producing poignant and honest writing every week can be a struggle.  Especially when I couldn't figure out why Emily kept around John "The Wolf" on The Bachelorette for so long.  I mean, that guy didn't say more than two words for weeks and got a free trip through Europe.  How can I write when I feel so conflicted?      

But here we are readers.  Talking about Monster Cookies and Rose Ceremonies.  I feel like this blog post got away from me...  Let's bring it back home to cookies.  Monster Cookies.  Apparently Monster Cookies are a "thing" that exist amongst the general public.  So I was reading through some recipes online and readers left comments about the use of flour in these cookies.  There was outrage I say, outrage!  I've learned flour is not allowed in Monster Cookies.  Who knew?!  I guess everyone except me, it would seem.

I suppose it makes sense since these cookies have just about everything else in them.  And it's really wonderful because you can swap in or out just about anything you prefer.  Chopped peanuts?  Sure!  Reese's Pieces?  Why not?!  Toffee bits?  Go for it!  Not to mention (actually I'm about to mention) that this recipe makes a TON of cookies.  For "monster" appetites.  That joke was as painful for me as it was for you.  

Here's the recipe!

Ingredients

• 3 eggs
• 1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 12-ounce jar creamy peanut butter
• 1 stick butter, softened
• 1/2 cup M&M's
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup Rice Krispies
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 4 1/2 cups quick-cooking oatmeal (not instant)

Directions

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Line cookie sheets with parchment paper or nonstick baking mats or spray with cooking spray.

2.  In a very large mixing bowl, combine eggs and both sugars. Mix well. Add the salt, vanilla, peanut butter, and butter, mixing well again. Stir in M&M's and chocolate chips.  Add baking soda, and oatmeal and Rice Krispies, stirring gently not to crush the Krispies.  

3.  Drop by tablespoons 2 inches apart (the dough will be somewhat sticky and it will spread and flatten) onto the prepared cookie sheets.  Bake for 8 to 10 minutes.  Let stand for about 3 minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool. 

Enjoy!

Recipe adapted slightly from Paula Deen/Food Network

Strawberry Blackberry Crumble Bar

Uuuggh, being an adult is hard work!  My childhood lied to me!  I was made to believe that adulthood is living with your friends above a coffee house.  It's means having "ugly naked guy" as a neighbor.  It means always having perfect hair.  It means having a gigantic apartment with purple walls.  Ok, I watched a lot of Friends growing up.   

Nonetheless, I was misled.  I live next to a coffee place but there's not even a couch there.  All of my neighbors keep their shades closed.  My walls are brown.  My hair is always perfect though...   What I'm saying is, I intended to write a post days ago and being an adult got in the way.  Work and cleaning and watching Seinfeld.  Seinfeld doesn't just watch itself!  

So here I am, writing at 10:38pm when I should certainly be getting some sleep or at least watching Netflix.  I guess this is what being an adult is all about.  It's about having dirty dishes in the sink and unexplained pain in your feet and going to bed at 10pm and shaking your fists at noisy teenagers.

You're probably wondering how this Strawberry Blackberry Crumble Bar relates to adulthood?  It doesn't really but this blog is a one-way street so get over it.  Being that strawberries are in season and this bar is delightfully light and sweet, making it might solve all the problems in your world.  It solved mine.  Most of them.  I still don't know why my feet hurt.  

Here's the recipe!  

Ingredients:
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp baking powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup cold, unsalted butter, cut into cubes
1 egg
1/4 tsp salt
zest from one lemon
Filling
2 Tbsp lemon juice
4 cups strawberries/blackberries (whatever proportions your prefer)
2/3 cup granulated sugar
4 tsp cornstarch

Instructions:
1.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees F and grease a 9x13 inch pan.  Set aside. 
2.  For the crust, in a medium bow, stir together 1 cup sugar, 3 cups of flour, and 1 tsp baking powder.  Mix in salt and lemon zest.  Using a pastry cutter or fork, blend in egg and butter.  This dough will be loose and crumbly.  Press half of the dough into the pan to form the crust.  
3.  In another bowl, stir together 2/3 cups sugar, lemon juice, and corn starch.  Fold in strawberries and blackberries.  Spread the berries over the crust evenly.  Crumble remaining dough over the top of the berries.  
4.  Bake for 45 minutes until top is lightly brown.  Cool completely before cutting into bars.  Makes up to 24 bars.  

Recipe adapted from Baker Chick

Soft Pretzels

It's real guys.  It's really real.  I successfully used yeast!  Someone send me an award or a medal.  I should retire from baking because I've reached my personal best.  

My exploits with yeast in the past have been less than successful.  Mostly, I made a loaf of wheat bread that somehow resembled the texture of a very crumbly pound cake.  I don't even know how that's possible.  I somehow defied the laws of science.  So like any normal person, I decided yeast was impossible to work with, I avoided it at all costs, and didn't try another yeast recipe for two years.  I'm so normal.  

But when I saw this recipe, it just spoke to me.  It said "You will not regret this.  I taste really good with cheese."  And I've never known a pretzel to lie to me.  So I went for it!

And my goodness, it was the best decision I've made in a long time.  This recipe is simple, straight-forward and fun!  I genuinely enjoyed every moment in the kitchen and while these take a bit longer to pull together than, say, a quick-bread, the results are worth every minute.  Trust me.  Trust the yeast.  Trust the pretzel.  

Here's the recipe!  

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups warm water (110-115 degrees F)
1 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp kosher salt
1 package active dry yeast
22 oz all purpose flour (about 4 1/2 cups)
1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted 
vegetable oil, for the pan
2/3 cup baking soda
10 cups water (for boiling)
1 egg, beaten with 1 Tbsp water (for eggwash)
Toppings of your choice (sea salt, "everything," cinnamon and sugar, etc.) 

Instructions:
1.  Combine water, sugar and salt in a medium bowl (I used the bowl for the stand mixer) and sprinkle yeast on top.  Allow to sit for 5 minutes or until it begins to foam.  
2.  Using a dough hook (or just a wooden spoon) add the flour and butter and mix until well combined.  
3.  Turn to medium speed on mixer (or turn dough onto a floured surface) to knead dough, about 4-5 minutes.  Remove the dough from the bowl, clean bowl, and oil it well with vegetable oil.  Return dough to bowl and cover with plastic wrap.  Allow to sit in a warm place approximately 50-55 minutes, until doubled in size.  
4.  When dough has risen, preheat oven to 450 degrees F.  Line 2 sheets with parchment paper and lightly oil with vegetable oil.  Set aside.  Bring 10 cups of water and baking soda to a rolling boil in a large saucepan or roasting pan.  
5.  Turn dough onto lightly oiled surface and divide dough into 8 equal pieces.  Roll each piece into a 24 inch rope.  To form the pretzel shape, make a U shape, hold the ends of the rope, cross them over each other, and press into the bottom center of the U-shape.  For pictures on this, The Baker Chick has great instructions.  Place formed pretzels on parchment-lined baking sheets.  
6.  One by one, place the pretzels in the boiling water for about 30 seconds apiece.  Gently remove from the water using a wide spatula and place back onto baking sheet.  Brush with egg wash and add toppings of your choice.  Continue this with each pretzel and then bake for 12-14 minutes, until golden brown.  Allow to cool slightly before eating to your heart's content.  

Tips:
**The Baker Chick recommends warming your oven to 200 degrees F while you prepare the dough, turn the oven off, then allow dough to rise in warmed oven.  I tried this and it worked like a charm!
**These are best eaten fresh so I'd recommend preparing them the day you intend to serve them.  If time is an issue, you can prepare the dough, allow to rise, then refrigerate the dough overnight before forming, boiling and baking the pretzels the next day.  

Enjoy!

Recipe from Baker Chick